Most families treasure memories of shared experiences and holidays, stories and anecdotes that make us laugh, piles of photographs waiting to be put into albums….. In our family, we each have a “special box” containing various treasures we’ve collected throughout the years. Perhaps a first pair of shoes, some special cards or letters we’ve received, some of the kids’ poignant pictures or photographs and other various mementos. We each have one box.
Cody, our son who lived for only nine hours and six minutes, has two! Two boxes of mementos from a life that lasted a mere 546 minutes.
Every year on his anniversary, I allow myself some time to remember my son who was earthside for such a short time, to reflect on the impact his death has had on our lives. The grief gets easier to live with as time goes by, and these days I usually find that compartment of my heart buried beneath the busyness and joy of sharing life with my husband and four living children. On this day, however, I give myself the gift of some personal time and space to blow the dust off the boxes, open the lids and reflect on all the keepsakes collected there.
This year, on Cody’s birthday, which happens to also be the anniversary of the day he died, I took some photos of the various box contents, and thought I would share them here for posterity’s sake.
Unlike our special boxes, Cody’s are not filled with memories of anything he did in his life; instead, they are filled with memories of our pain, our loss. The photos I have are photos of my son on life support, of us holding our dead baby, of Cody in his coffin, of us standing in shock and horror at his graveside.
However, there are other treasures, too. Treasures that shine like little lights of love; messages of love and care from dear friends and families who reached out to us in our sorrow, who walked alongside us when we could not bear to walk alone; gifts that were given, pictures that were drawn, words that were shared to encourage and support us on our path through pain.
Cody’s “Special Boxes” (which are actually falling apart after nineteen years! I think it may be time to get a little wooden box that will hopefully last a bit longer, but still be light enough to carry in case of emergency):
Blessed by the kindness and compassion of others….
Giving something back…..
Feeling cared for, even after all these years…..
I have received so many lovely messages and comments today, some from people we no longer see but who walked those early years with us, others from people who didn’t know us then, but know us now and reach out with love and support, even diarising his birthdate so they won’t forget. There has also been support, of course, from our immediate and extended family who have been there from the start.
If you know someone who is recently bereaved, please don’t hold back from showing compassion and empathy. Perhaps you will be inspired by some of the wonderful things our friends and family did for us (not all of which are recorded here, of course). Perhaps you will be inspired by this post, too.
And please don’t assume that grief ends as time passes. It changes, for sure, but random acts of kindness are always appreciated. Let’s do our bit to make the world more kind, loving and compassionate.
FAMILY: Married since 1989 (does that make me old?), a full-time Mum since 1993, and unschooling my kids since 2005. On a journey of learning to live free and fully loved as God intended, following Jesus rather than an institution or "religion". Caring for the world and its people as best as I can.
View all posts by Karen Lee